There are going to be plenty of times you are upset or depressed after the Da Vinci surgery. I’ll give you some of my perspective after a year (from memory), obviously it will vary for everyone, but don’t despair.
The first week I was very happy. Amazingly enough at the time. Yes, the catheter was bad, but I was just so ecstatic about having the surgery done.
The second week was good too because the catheter was out. Most of all though because the biopsy had been good.
The third week and then for a little while was a bit down from there. I could see the leaps and bounds improvements in healing, continence, and stamina each week although I was still getting very tired easily.
For me, after the first month or two, the reality of it was kind of settling in. Yes, there was lots of improvement, but even for 6-9 months after surgery I was still getting tired much easier than pre-surgery. (I will say that at 11 months now, I get tired easier only rarely, I can workout quite hard, lift weights and more – it just took time). But the big things were healing. Continence hadn’t been an issue unless I did sit-ups, but still (and even now at 11 months), there are times when I feel like I really have to go which never happened in the past. ED was slowly improving, but it seems really slow when you are living it.
Before the girlfriend came into the picture, I was thinking: if you don’t have a girlfriend (or boyfriend), how would a prospective one feel about how things have changed? It is a common thing to feel damaged. How would a prospective date feel about it? Fortunately there are people out there who are great and very understanding. When you don’t have proof in front of you though, it can be very depressing because you have to wonder whether or not there are such people.
A little later, the progress has slowed a lot because you’ve improved so much. This just makes it seem like a long road is left to go. It is easy to get bummed about how the progress is going and the fact that things have changed quite a lot. There was a period of a few months in the 4-7 month range when I often wondered, is this as good as it will get. It does get better now with the perspective of being at 11 months post Da Vinci Robotic surgery. But at the time, it is a big burden to carry because you just don’t know where things are headed.
By 8 months I was feeling pretty good physically, but ED without Viagra was still an issue. Even with a supportive girlfriend, you have the questions about healing, how things work. One can hope to have someone who will understand and be willing to accept when things aren’t working exactly perfectly. Someone who will be there to help through the rough times and not give up.
One thing is that you can tend to “psych yourself out” with respect to ED. I have done so – if you have an issue with ED, it just gets me upset and tense. Those two are the worst things that you can do if you want to have success. I know this intellectually. But still when things should be working well and they don’t, I get tense and frustrated. This of course makes it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wish there was a way to say, “now that I know this, I won’t do it.” No such luck yet. I usually try to relax and find something else to occupy my attention for a bit – a TV show or something to get the frustration buried. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
At 11 months, the main change from 8 months was that my stamina is essentially like it was a year ago right before the biopsy that started the nightmare. Not always, but 99% of the time physically I’m good. ED is the main issue right now for me.
There is one weird thing which I meant to ask at Mayo that I forgot about early in the week – I got on a bike we were buying for some “Make-A-Wish” kids to get it out of the store and it was very uncomfortable even for a few seconds on it! One Doctor had Mayo had said stay off bikes for a year or two (back in the Spring of 2011) but I hadn’t talked to the Urologist/Surgeon about it and wanted to ask. I forgot though. I’ll try a bike before my next appointment if I remember and ask. Anyone notice that it is uncomfortable to ride?
Of course, there is the ever-present worry about whether or not the surgery was a success. You can never know for sure even with an “undetectable” PSA. And so there is always that little worry. But it is fading a little bit.
All the best everyone out there….